Emotional connection

I understand that affection via pouring drinks, making beds, drawing baths, etc are forbidden – but can you provide other ways that a husband can show affection/not neglect his wife while in niddah? I completely understand the need for harchakot – but when it comes to my husband not paying attn to me – therefore making me unhappy and bitter – I find that a bigger danger to our shalom bayit. So for instance, are candle light dinners permissible? personal cards? flowers?

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your question.

We strongly agree that you and your husband should make greater efforts to work on your emotional connection while you are physically separated during the niddah period. However, while a card or flowers are nice gestures which are permitted while you are niddah, a candle-lit dinner or similar romantic, intimate, activities may be inappropriate since they may lead to a desire for intimacy. 

We recommend you read our article on this topic for further suggestions, as well as a pamphlet Et Lirchok (http://home.mayimrabim.com:443/etlirchok.html) which offers many tips on dealing with the emotional distance during niddah.

B'hatzlacha!

This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases.

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