Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Dam betulim and discomfort

5 June, 2005
Question:

How do we define at the first night that he went in if there was no bleeding?

If I have pain is that enough reason he should not be allowed to try again?

If so, what type of pain??

Is this avoidable??

Thank you for your help.


Answer:

If no blood was seen, and the couple either did not complete intercourse normally or are unsure whether they did, they should contact a rabbi to clarify how to proceed.  Generally, if there was not complete penetration and the chatan did not ejaculate into the vagina, they may try again.  If he did ejaculate into the vagina, but only the crown of the male member penetrated the vagina they may also try again.

When she does not bleed, the kallah's level of discomfort does not determine whether or not they may try again.  However, if she does not feel ready to make another effort, the chatan must respect her feelings. 

Discomfort for the kallah for the first few acts of relations is fairly common.  Use of a lubricant such as KY Jelly may help reduce discomfort.  Please get back to us if it persists.

In all these cases, we highly recommend that the couple contact their chatan or kallah teachers or our hotline.

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