Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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PCOS and dating

05/02/2006

Question:

I am 20 years old and beginning to date. I just found out about PCOS and looked it up online. I have some of the symptoms, including an irregular period. One of the big issues of PCOS is that it causes infertility. Now I am thinking – I should really go to a doctor to find out if I have PCOS. But do I want to know? And if I do have it, would I have the obligation to tell a potential husband? At what point? Should I tell my friends – or could that ruin my chances of getting a shiduch? Maybe I just shouldn't bother to find out. Ignorance is bliss. Or is it?


Answer:

It is probably best to see a physician now about your suspicions.  PCOS is a condition that affects a number of systems, not only the reproductive system.  PCOS is largely treatable, and it could bring you peace of mind to find potentially successful treatments before marriage (or engagement). Alternatively, you may be relieved to discover that you don't have PCOS after all.

If you do have this type of treatable condition, you are not obligated to share this information with those arranging shidduchim for you. There is room for leniency as well not to reveal this to your future husband.  However, as building trust is an important part of a marital relationship, you may well wish to disclose this to a serious suitor, before you both agree to getting married.  Exactly when would be up to your judgment. You could arrange a joint appointment with your physician, to whom your potential fiance could address any questions that he may have.

Discretion is a good idea.  Tell only those friends whom it will help you to tell, and who can be trusted not to divulge the information to others.


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