Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

  • Hebrew
  • English
  • Espnaol
  • Francais
Menu

Non-virgin bride

12 September, 2006

Question:

Hi. My daughter is a baalat teshuva and is getting married with another baal teshuva this coming month. She has told her chatan that she is not a "virgin" since she had one experience before. She doesnt want to tell this to her Rabbi, nor her Rebbetzin, and I understand. The problem she is facing now is how does she do the counting?? When should she go to the mikveh?
Thanks for your prompt answer.


Answer:

Mazal tov on the upcoming wedding!

As long as she has told her chatan about her sexual experience, your daughter is not required to tell the Rabbi or Rebbetzin. 

She can schedule her wedding in the same way as any new kallah and should seek her rebbetzin's advice in doing so.  The difference is that she is permitted to have physical contact (including relations) with her chatan after the first act of relations until she reaches an onat veset or becomes niddah.  The first complete act of relations will not itself render her niddah.

We suggest that she still schedule the wedding as she would have otherwise.  The difference then would be a little added flexibility and time prior to becoming niddah.  We also suggest that she observe the harchakot (restrictions on conduct that apply during niddah) in public during sheva berachot to preserve her privacy.

Please share this with your daughter and encourage her to contact us directly in the future.


This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

For further questions or comments: 

The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.


Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under yoatzot.org.