Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Postponing tevilah to avoid Shabbat without makeup

19 March, 2007

Question:

Hello and thank you for this wonderful site. I am not engaged or married but am currently dating. I have read many books on Nidda (also read a lot on this site) and there is one thing that I am really worried about. This is going to sound pretty shallow of me but please dont judge me.

When I think about going to the mikva on shabbos or yom tov, two things bother me tremendously. 1) I am a "shower freak" and no matter how clean the mikva is I will feel dirty and not want to even get into bed if I dont take a full shower. 2) I never leave my house / bathroom in the morning without at least eye makeup. Almost no one except my immediate family has seen me without it since I was 16. Having to go to the mivka on shabbos or yom tov and then spend the rest of it without makeup just wouldn't work. I wouldnt leave my bedroom. And if I did, then everyone would know Ive been to the mikva. Amongst family and friends I am known as the one whose makeup stays perfectly (even on a 3 day yom tov).

My question is are these valid concerns for delaying mikva if my husband doesnt mind?


Answer:

There is no need to be apologetic or concerned with sounding shallow.  Each woman has her own considerations and concerns, and they are all legitimate. 

It is good to hear that you are receiving an early education about the laws of niddah.  Many kallot feel overwhelmed by the wealth of new information they suddenly have to deal with on the eve of their marriage.  However, B"H when you get married you might find that you rarely go to the mikveh Friday night.  Mikveh night can fall out on six other nights of the week, and lifecycle events such as pregnancy and nursing can keep you away from the mikveh entirely for long periods of time.

You might also discover that getting to the mikveh as early as possible is more important to you to than keeping your eyeliner on or showering.  This is a perspective that might change upon marriage.  If it does not change, then when the time comes there may be room to delay immersion as long as there is mutual agreement between husband and wife.

With the perspective of marriage, and the knowledge that there are solutions available depending on the specific situation once you are married, we hope to hear from you when the question becomes a practical issue, B"H!


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