Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

  • Hebrew
  • English
  • Espnaol
  • Francais
Menu

Desire peaks before mikveh, then drops

19 May, 2014

Question:

My wife and I are married for over 17 years. She has said to me many times that when she is in her seven clean days her arousal is very high, but a day or two before mikveh her arousal drops sharply, and it is very hard for us to "enjoy" the time together.


Answer:

The increased libido that your wife describes during the seven clean days is not uncommon. Hormonal fluctuations at different points in her cycle may affect her levels of desire. However, interest in marital relations is a combination of the body and the mind. It is possible to build on her increased desire during the clean days by looking forward to mikveh night and beyond.

When she is niddah, she should try to channel her desire for you to permissible expressions of love. Try to go out and spend time together in public settings, and take extra precautions when you are at home together. After mikveh, she should take the time to mentally prepare herself for intimacy – think of things that can enhance her desire and that can help put her in the mood. See our posted question on Lack of Desire for other practical suggestions on ways to increase desire.

If there is an ongoing problem, she can discuss with a physician the possibility of hormonal manipulation. Knowledge of the hormonal component of libido in women is a relatively new phenomenon. However, to the best of our knowledge, there are already some practical solutions that can be offered.  She could also discuss with a physician whether any sort of psychological intervention or sex therapy might be relevant. 

Please feel free to get back to us with any further questions.

B'Hatzlacha!


This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

For further questions or comments: 

The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.


Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under yoatzot.org.