Expressing affection before intimacy
27 December, 2016
Is there any halachic obligation for a husband to say nice things to his wife (or anything at all) to make her feel loved before being intimate? I remember seeing something along those lines in a kalla book several years ago but my husband says he cannot find a source for it. Thank you
While it is common sense that a husband should speak words of love and appeasement to his wife before relations, this idea appears in a number of sources as well.
In Talmud Bavli Eruvin 100b, amidst a discussion of proper conduct during relations, the Gemara cites a verse (Iyov 35:11) "me'of shamayim yach'kmenu", that we should learn from the behavior of the bird. The Gemara goes on to explain that a husband should act as the rooster that appeases the hen before (as well as after) relations.
The Ramban in Iggeret Hakodesh writes that a husband should speak to his wife's heart to arouse in her feelings of love and desire.
R' Yakov Emden writes in Siddur Bet Yaakov that a husband should appease his wife with words (as well as hugs and kisses) to make her happy and arouse desire in her.
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