Is lingerie appropriate?
27 March, 2017
I'm married for a couple of years and b"h we were blessed with a very good relationship. We have our ups and downs like any regular couple. Recently we discussed what we felt regarding each other's 'interest' in relations. My husband mentioned in passing that maybe I should have special nightwear to show that I am interested. I thought about it and I went shopping for enticing nightwear and undergarments, but I haven't worn them yet. My husband is a serious ben Torah – he is sitting and learning all day and plans to stay in the Torah/Chinuch field all his years be"h. I'm just wondering if I'm going to overboard with these purchases or is it ok because it's for the sake of enticing him for relations? The fact that we have a good relationship and also since there are other ways of enticing – is it right for me to open his eyes to such fashion? Will it disturb him in his learning – having seen this??? I'm a bit confused about it and would appreciate clarification on this matter.
I appreciate it immensely that you have allowed me to ask my question – I had no one to turn to and you have opened your doors to me. Thanks
It is not inappropriate or a lack of tzniut to wear lingerie for intimacy in the privacy of your bedroom. On the contrary, anything which enhances a couple's sexual experience within the guidelines of halacha is encouraged. If your husband expressed interest, and you are comfortable with the idea of lingerie, then it can add a positive aspect to your intimate life.
If you are concerned that it will affect your husband's concentration or his learning, be honest with him and let him know your concerns. We do not see why it would affect him any more than seeing you undressed or engaging in intimate acts. He always has to focus while learning and block out distracting thoughts; lingerie should not affect this any more so.
Please feel free to get back to us with any further questions.
This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.
For further questions or comments:
The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.
Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under yoatzot.org.