Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Is lingerie appropriate?

27 March, 2017

Question:

I'm married for a couple of years and b"h we were blessed with a very good relationship. We have our ups and downs like any regular couple. Recently we discussed what we felt regarding each other's 'interest' in relations. My husband mentioned in passing that maybe I should have special nightwear to show that I am interested. I thought about it and I went shopping for enticing nightwear and undergarments, but I haven't worn them yet. My husband is a serious ben Torah – he is sitting and learning all day and plans to stay in the Torah/Chinuch field all his years be"h. I'm just wondering if I'm going to overboard with these purchases or is it ok because it's for the sake of enticing him for relations? The fact that we have a good relationship and also since there are other ways of enticing – is it right for me to open his eyes to such fashion? Will it disturb him in his learning – having seen this??? I'm a bit confused about it and would appreciate clarification on this matter.

I appreciate it immensely that you have allowed me to ask my question – I had no one to turn to and you have opened your doors to me. Thanks


Answer:

It is not inappropriate or a lack of tzniut to wear lingerie for intimacy in the privacy of your bedroom.  On the contrary, anything which enhances a couple's sexual experience within the guidelines of halacha is encouraged. If your husband expressed interest, and you are comfortable with the idea of lingerie, then it can add a positive aspect to your intimate life.

If you are concerned that it will affect your husband's concentration or his learning, be honest with him and let him know your concerns. We do not see why it would affect him any more than seeing you undressed or engaging in intimate acts. He always has to focus while learning and block out distracting thoughts; lingerie should not affect this any more so.

Please feel free to get back to us with any further questions.

B'Hatzlacha!


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