Sense and Sensitivity

During niddah, couples should avoid the sorts of frivolous or flirtatious interactions that could lead to a desire for intimacy. Purely romantic outings, such as a private scenic drive through the countryside, may also be considered inappropriate by some authorities. Couples need to be honest with themselves about which interactions can arouse feelings of intimacy. At the same time, they need to be sensitive to each others' needs and emotions, and certainly should continue to enjoy each other's company. Even though the physical aspect of the relationship is "on hold" during niddah, caring, consideration, communication, and emotional support are essential at all points in a marriage – whether or not the wife is tehorah.

Some couples find that thoughtful gestures (e.g., cards, small gifts, flowers for Shabbat – all of which are permitted during niddah) can be very helpful when feelings can't be expressed physically. Common sense is invaluable in determining exactly which expressions of affection should be avoided, and in finding alternative ways to preserve the emotional connection between spouses.

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