Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Newlyweds: difficulty avoiding touch

12 January, 2005


Hi! My husband and I are married five months. Everything is great – except that we seem to have a lot of trouble keeping the harchakot. We do understand that it's important not to touch at all during this period, and we're really trying – but sometimes it seems like we just need a hug and our emotions get the better of us. Could you offer any guidance or advice to help us overcome our difficulties with this? Thank you!


Your question reflects the difficulties that many couples face in the beginning of marriage.  It is a good sign for your relationship that you find these halachot challenging.  Many couples have similar difficulties, especially as newlyweds.

Your letter comes at an opportune time, since the beginning of married life is the best time to establish patterns we wish to keep.  The two of you should work together, when you are still tehorah, to devise a plan for making each other feel loved without crossing halachic lines.  Think through the steps you would take as concretely as possible. Support each other in sticking to the plan and discuss the challenges together.

These halachot are difficult.  Don't get too discouraged by failures — that's what teshuvah is for.  Working together to keep the halachot can itself remind you how much you care for each other and develop your relationship's other strengths.

Please note that our credentials are halachic and these tips should not be construed as professional level counsel. 

This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

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