Frequent staining on IUD

We are sorry to hear that you've had such a challenging few months.

Based on your question, we're assuming that you are using a copper IUD (and not Mirena).

It is normal and typical for the body to take a few months to adjust to a new IUD.  Adjustment varies from woman to woman.  In your case, the adjustment process may only have begun when you started to menstruate.  We think it might be worth it to give the IUD two more cycles.

It is quite possible for spotting around the time of ovulation to be associated with a dip in progesterone level at that time of the cycle. However, as irregular bleeding is quite common with an IUD, it is hard at the moment to determine the cause.

We are not directly aware of, nor can we vouch for, any effective herbal methods.  One questioner wrote in recently to recommend alfalfa.  Another recommended using a moon cup instead of a pad or tampon.

If you do not adjust to the IUD within the next couple of cycles, you may wish to discuss the use of Progestin only contraception, which has not been shown to increase breast cancer risk.  If you rule that out and the IUD continues to be problematic, you might consult your rabbi or our service on the permissibility of using a diaphragm.

We would not at this point recommend Mirena, the Progesterone IUD (perhaps the plastic one to which you are referring), which would entail a new adjustment period.

We recommend that you review our article on staining, which may help you reduce the amount of time you are spending in niddah.  Remember, not all stains make you a niddah!  If you did not experience a hargashah, and your stain was on colored underwear, or was small, or was an acceptable color (including some browns), it would not render you a niddah.  Some browns are even acceptable on a bedikah cloth. If you have any doubts about the color or size of a stain, it is well worth showing it to a rabbi. If you continue to have a difficult time completing your zayin neki'im, you can also consult with a rabbi or with this service about the possibility of reducing the number of bedikot. 

Premenstrual staining that does not render you a niddah should not be ignored to the extent of having relations with your husband – unless you are absolutely certain that you are not bleeding before or during relations.  However, other forms of physical contact are permissible.  Since you are technically not a niddah, the harchakot do not apply, and relations may be resumed if the staining stops without becoming a period.

It is understandable that these months have been emotionally difficult.  We deeply hope that our answer will help you.  If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to write.  Your efforts, and those of your husband, are testament to the strength of your marriage and the strength of your commitment to halacha.  Hang in there!