Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Husband unwilling to keep harchakot

14 April, 2005


I want to keep the harchakot and my husband does not. In addition to wanting to keep halacha, I want this time to myself. He, however, keeps coming over to hug and kiss me. I don't know what to do. Thank you.


Your halachic obligation, as you know, is to keep the harchakot. We suggest you explain to your husband your emotional need as you described in your letter. If he does not want to keep the harchakot out of a feeling of obligation to halacha, then he should keep them out of his obligation to respect your needs and your desire to follow halacha.

If you have tried talking to your husband and he continues to force himself on you when you do not wish to be touched, then you should seek professional counseling as soon as possible. Perhaps a religious couple's counselor who is aware of the importance of halacha could help you resolve this issue. 

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