Husband unwilling to keep harchakot
14 April, 2005
I want to keep the harchakot and my husband does not. In addition to wanting to keep halacha, I want this time to myself. He, however, keeps coming over to hug and kiss me. I don't know what to do. Thank you.
Your halachic obligation, as you know, is to keep the harchakot. We suggest you explain to your husband your emotional need as you described in your letter. If he does not want to keep the harchakot out of a feeling of obligation to halacha, then he should keep them out of his obligation to respect your needs and your desire to follow halacha.
If you have tried talking to your husband and he continues to force himself on you when you do not wish to be touched, then you should seek professional counseling as soon as possible. Perhaps a religious couple's counselor who is aware of the importance of halacha could help you resolve this issue.
This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.
For further questions or comments:
The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.
Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under yoatzot.org.