Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Untruthful excuse

4 May, 2005


I have to attend the wedding of a good friend the night I am to go to the mikveh. The wedding is far from the mikveh so I must go before, but I will more than likely miss much of the Chupah.

I know they'll ask us why we weren't there…I can't tell them I had to go to the mikveh. Can I suggest I was running late due to something else, even though that would be a lie?


The Talmud explains that God Himself 'changed the truth' – by telling Avraham that Sarah said that she (not Avraham) was old – in order to maintain shalom bayit, peace between husband and wife (Baba Metzia 87a, Rashi on Genesis 18:13). By going to the mikveh, you are maintaining and nurturing the relationship with your husband, and there is no greater shalom bayit. Making up an untruthful excuse is okay in this situation.

You could also explore the option of going after the wedding by making special arrangements to go after usual hours. This can be worked out in many mikvaot, sometimes for an additional fee.

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