Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Pain with bedikot and intimacy

26 December, 2017


I am having a lot of trouble with painful bedikot. I am moistening the bedikah cloth with water and only doing the minimal number – the hefsek, and the first and last day of shivah neki'im. I know I should try to do one on an intermediate day, but sometimes I don't because it's too painful.

What would be the best way to use lubrication before the bedikah?

The truth is I am also having trouble with intimacy lately. Maybe I am too scared. I have been married a few years, and went through a lot of trauma with a stillbirth over a year ago. (We don't have children yet, I hope B'Ezras Hashem Yisbarach we will be blessed with healthy living babies.)

What would you suggest? I went to a new ob/gyn and wrote to her before my appointment, but she didn't read the notes and I didn't feel comfortable telling her everything in the office.

I also want to tell you that this group of Yoatzot are very dear and special to me. You really help so many women with such delicate issues. I am really touched how you care about someone else. Thank you!


Thank you for your really kind and thoughtful words! It means a lot to us to receive such positive feedback.

We are so sorry to hear of your loss, and of the difficulties you are experiencing with bedikot and intimacy.

It is possible that you are experiencing anxiety about the bedikot and clenching up your muscles, making the bedikot very difficult and painful for you. We recommend trying relaxation techniques (calming music, slow/deep breathing) as well as lying down in a relaxed position before inserting your finger very slowly and gently. You can apply lubricant to the vaginal area before performing the bedikah.

We also strongly recommend looking for a gynecologist who you feel will listen to your concerns and be patient with you. Ask friends and women in your community for recommendations. If you live in Israel, please let us know what city you live in and we can try to make a recommendation. If your doctor does not see a medical cause for the pain you experience, speak to him or her about a referral to a urogynecological physical therapist.

Please feel free to get us with any further questions.

We wish you much hatzlacha!

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