Mazal tov on the birth of your baby!
We’re sorry to hear that you’ve been having such difficulty becoming tehorah.
Not all colors of blood render a woman niddah, even on a bedikah cloth. We highly recommend bringing each cloth to a rav who is experienced with niddah questions to make sure that you are not being overly stringent. Since most of your spotting is on bedikah cloths, you should also consult with your rav about reducing the number of bedikot that you are performing.
It is fairly common for a woman to take some time to get used to hormonal contraception. Therefore, the spotting you experienced as well as the emotional effects may improve with use. There is also a second progesterone only pill known as femulen that contains a slightly different hormone and might affect you differently. You might want to consider trying this. It is sometimes a bit hard to find in Israel at the moment but it can be special ordered. If that still causes you trouble there are additional options that can be tried.
At the moment however, it is likely that the stress of three months of being niddah are taking their toll. Therefore, if it is not life threatening for you to get pregnant, it sounds reasonable to use spermicides for a month or two as you consider your other options. Spermicides are about 85% effective. However, if you are exclusively breastfeeding, your chances of getting pregnant are also reduced and thus the odds are a bit better.
After such a break, for longer term use, there are additional options to consider. One of these is the IUD. As you do not like the effect that progesterone has on you, it would be best to use the copper IUD and the not the Mirena, which releases progesterone. This method is quite effective. However, it can also cause a fair amount of breakthrough bleeding. This often improves over time but one has to be prepared for a difficult beginning.
Estrogen-containing pills can decrease a woman’s milk supply, even if it is well-established. However, the decrease does not happen to all women and they pose no risk to the infant. Therefore, combination pills are also permitted for breastfeeding mothers, especially if begun after the baby reaches six months of age. Then, if there is a reduction (again, not experienced by all mothers), the gap can be filled in with solid food.
Please do not hesitate to get back to us with any further questions.