Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Communication & timing

11 August, 2006

Question:

Shalom and thank you for this resource. First, please know that you and all Israelis are in the prayers of our community; we are saying many tehillim and are raising money for Israel.

Now, on to my questions. My wife and I are newly religious and have gotten more observant to the point where we are observing taharat hamishpacha. But my wife doesn't really talk to me about when she is going to the mikvah–she keeps it very private. Am I allowed to ask her when she is going, or do I just leave it up to her?

The second question is that my wife has so much going on because she has a very ill mother. Is she required to go to the mikvah on the first night that she is able to, or is it permissible for her to go later?

Thank you so much.


Answer:

How open the wife wishes to be with her husband on all the details of observing taharat hamishpacha varies from community to community and from couple to couple.  However, it is standard practice for a wife to inform her husband in advance when she expects to immerse in the mikveh.  That way, the couple can make any appropriate arrangements or plans for that evening.  They can also prepare emotionally and spiritually for mikveh night. 

Ideally, your wife would immerse on time.  In chronic situations, there is often no one night that is clearly better than others.  However, should something specific make it very difficult for her to immerse, and should you both agree to it, she could immerse the following night.


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