Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

  • Hebrew
  • English
  • Espnaol
  • Francais
  • donate

Emotional connection

29 January, 2009


I understand that affection via pouring drinks, making beds, drawing baths, etc are forbidden – but can you provide other ways that a husband can show affection/not neglect his wife while in niddah? I completely understand the need for harchakot – but when it comes to my husband not paying attn to me – therefore making me unhappy and bitter – I find that a bigger danger to our shalom bayit. So for instance, are candle light dinners permissible? Personal cards? Flowers?


We strongly agree that you and your husband should make greater efforts to work on your emotional connection while you are physically separated during the niddah period. However, while a card or flowers are nice gestures which are permitted while you are niddah, a candle-lit dinner or similar romantic, intimate, activities may be inappropriate since they may lead to a desire for intimacy. 

We recommend you read our article on this topic for further suggestions, as well as a pamphlet Et Lirchok ( which offers many tips on dealing with the emotional distance during niddah..


This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

For further questions or comments: 

The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.

Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under

Accessibility Toolbar