Pain with intimacy
8 February, 2009
First, thank you for providing such a forum, it is really appreciated.
I was b"h blessed with a baby boy almost six months ago. I delivered with an episiotomy and was stitched very tight. I only had relations 5 or 6 times since then. It's always painful. The first few times I was bleeding but my rabbi told me it wasn't rendering me niddah because it was from the scar. Now I don't bleed anymore but it is still very painful. My question is not really about niddah but I need someone to tell me what I can do to make things better. We don't really try anymore because it's too frustrating to both of us. I'm also nursing so I think it's also a cause of dryness. I tried vaseline but it didn't really help. Will it ever get better and how?
Mazal tov on the birth of your baby!
We are sorry to hear of your discomfort during relations.
In light of your physical pain, we would suggest that you see your gynecologist for an exam
You are correct that nursing can be associated with dryness. You may find that using a lubricant designed for relations, such as Astroglide or KY Jelly, reduces your discomfort. Taking time for foreplay can also reduce discomfort, since arousal is associated with natural lubrication. It is also possible that changing positions for relations could help make you more comfortable. A variety of positions are halachically permissible.
In addition to the above, when meeting with your gynecologist, you could discuss seeing a urogynecological physiotherapist therapist for an evaluation. The Center for Female Sexuality www.centerforfemalesexuality.com is one resource in the New York area. You could contact them or ask your gynecologist for a local referral. It takes courage to seek treatment for sexual difficulties. But we have seen many women benefit from such treatment when necessary.
Be'ezrat haShem, with appropriate assistance, your situation will indeed get better.
This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.
For further questions or comments:
The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.
Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under yoatzot.org.