Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

  • Hebrew
  • English
  • Espnaol
  • Francais
  • donate

Children’s questions about beds

26 April, 2009


My daughter (age 3 1⁄2) has recently started to notice that our beds are sometimes together and sometimes not. Do you have any advice on how to handle any questions?


While there is no halachic stricture against others knowing a woman is niddah, her status should generally be kept private for the purpose of modesty.  Within the immediate family, there are two major approaches to this issue. Some couples make every effort to keep their children from knowing, while others give the children information on a level appropriate for them.  We suggest that you and your husband discuss which is a better fit for you. 

The more open approach is based on the idea that, since taharat hamishpachah is one of the foundations of the Jewish home, it can be constructive for children to have some awareness of it. Following that approach, you could answer your daughter's questions in a direct, factual, age-appropriate way. 

For example, you could discuss how there are different times for different things.  There are times for you and your husband to have your beds together, and times for them to be separate, and the Torah helps you know when.   

You could also add that it's private.  She can discuss it with you or her father when she wants, but it is not really something to bring up with other people.

Couples who want to keep the status change to niddah completely private can head off children's curiosity by always keeping the beds apart during the day and pushing them together at night when the wife is tehorah (or vice versa). This may be something to consider when your children are older and more sophisticated.


This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

For further questions or comments: 

The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.

Users of Internet filtering services: This site discusses sensitive subjects that some services filter without visual indication. A page that appears 100% complete might actually be missing critical Jewish-law or medical information. To ensure that you view the pages accurately, ask the filtering service to whitelist all pages under

Accessibility Toolbar