Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Difficulty with harchakot

22 July, 2009


Keeping niddah is something really really hard for me : I want keep it, but it turns into a nightmare each time, and even when i am not niddah i still think about it and i get so paranoid about the whole thing.
I know that if my husband could at least hand me things in a normal way and make me a tea when he makes his , i would feel much better and it would make the all process so much easier for me ::
Is there any heter (leniency) about that???
Thanks a lot


We are sorry to hear that taharat hamishpacha is a challenge for you. You are not alone – many women feel that these laws are challenging and frustrating. With time and practice these laws generally get easier.

It is important to identify the issues that frustrate you most and try to work out solutions to them. Avoiding directly passing items from hand to hand is one of the harchakot that ensure that a couple will not touch. The awkwardness that surrounds this restriction can often be eased by preparing for it in advance – discussing ways with your husband how to smoothly and unobtrusively pass things indirectly in various situations. 

Regarding preparing tea, it is permissible for your husband to prepare tea for you, although he should not serve it in a normal manner. If you are sitting at a table, he should place it slightly away from you (i.e., not directly in front of you). According to some opinions, it is sufficient for him to place it in front of you using his non-dominant hand (i.e., if he is right-handed, he may directly serve it with his left hand). 

Please feel free to get back to us with any further questions.


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