Discretion about trying to conceive
6 October, 2014
My husband and I are trying to conceive and I am feeling a bit oppressed by the sense that I'm supposed to be "modest" about the whole matter… I know that it's just a matter of custom, but I want to understand and follow the "operating rules" of the Jewish community, to the extent possible…
For example, I want to ask questions of friends and mentors about pregnancy and having kids, but I feel that I shouldn't be telling them that we're trying to conceive?
Also, I seem to remember learning that you're not really supposed to announce your pregnancy until the beginning of the second trimester, and I'm a bit stressed out by that thought, since I would imagine that my mother and close friends might be offended that I would know for so long and not share the info?
Also, is there any concern about taking an international flight while in my 4th or 5th or 6th month?
There is no halachic prohibition against discussing conception and pregnancy with mentors, friends or family.
Some have the custom of waiting to announce a pregnancy until the second trimester when the risk of miscarriage is reduced, possibly to prevent ayin hara. Nevertheless, you certainly may share the good news earlier with family or close friends if you wish.
The concept of not discussing these topics with others is meant to protect your and your husband's privacy. However, if you feel more stressed by not being able to discuss this within your close circle of friends, family and mentors, then you should not hesitate to discuss these topics. Use your judgement to decide what is appropriate and who is comfortable (or not) with these discussions.
You should check with your doctor before flying during pregnancy, but in general a pregnant woman (up until the 9th month) may safely take an international flight.
We wish you much hatzlacha!
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