Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Can’t keep from touching

31 October, 2015

Question:

Hi I have been married for six months. My husband and I always wanted to keep taharat hamishpacha completely correctly. We both learned about it in depth and vowed to keep it right. We always try to keep from touching but we never can. We both know it is wrong and we both feel terrible about it. We never have relations during this time but we do touch. We always vow we will be better next time but we always can't. It pains me deeply since I really want to keep it and I know how important it is. Is it better to touch just during the seven clean days but not when I am actually bleeding? Two weeks is really hard, even though we both know it is important it is still hard.


Answer:

Mazal tov on your recent wedding!

We appreciate that it is very hard not to touch while the wife is in niddah, especially for newlyweds.

The restrictions of niddah, including the prohibition on touching, apply from the time a woman enters the niddah status until she has immersed in the mikveh. There is no halachic difference between touching during menses and touching during the seven clean days.

The harchakot, restrictions on various types of intimate behaviors during niddah, are largely to designed to help husband and wife avoid touch.  We suggest learning about them together (as by studying the "Conduct while Niddah" section of our site), and encouraging each other to be careful with them.  You can also discuss strategies to help each other stop touching when the urge overtakes you.

Please write back with any follow up questions.


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