Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Difficulty coping with laws of niddah

19 November, 2015
Question:

My husband and I have only been married 3 months and mostly it has been wonderful. However, I am having a really difficult time coping with the niddah laws. I find them to be very insulting towards me. Also, they are making our marriage worse during those 2 weeks as I am always upset and very withdrawn. Interestingly, these laws are supposed to bring us closer together, yet during the niddah weeks we are so very far apart. I am not sure how to fix this problem. Can you offer any advice?


Answer:

Mazal tov on your recent marriage!

Like many things in life, the key to a successful marriage is lots of hard work. Taharat hamishpacha can be quite challenging, especially so in the beginning of marriage as you adjust to marriage and all that it entails. We commend you for taking the initiative to seek advice now, early on in your marriage and for making extra efforts to overcome these challenges.

While it is often easier to physically connect with your spouse, you should take advantage of the niddah period to enhance your relationship on an emotional level. There are many ways to actively work on your relationship in a non-physical way. Make sure to set aside time every day to talk, go for a walk together, leave each other thoughtful notes. Go out to dinner, give small gifts, and calling on the phone during the day are just many of the ways that you can connect and become closer to your spouse. You should sit down with your husband and brainstorm together different ways to connect that would be most meaningful to you.

Ultimately, we keep the laws of niddah because God commanded us to, and not because they may improve our relationship with our spouse. If you would like to share with us specific points about the niddah laws that you find upsetting and insulting, we can try to address those difficulties.

B'hatzlacha!

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