Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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“Vulgar speech”

15 December, 2015


Thank you so much for your informative website.

I learned from my kallah teacher that a couple should not use vulgar speech. However, I do not understand what the definition of this is, and I'm too embarrassed to ask a rav or my teacher.

Many thanks.


There is no precise definition of vulgar speech. You should use common sense and your own personal comfort level to determine whether something would be considered crude/vulgar or not. You need not maintain the same level of formality or refinement of speech with your husband as you would have when speaking with a rav or respected teacher.

For example, it is important for a couple to communicate about all aspects of their relationship, including intimacy. At one extreme there are crude, vulgar ways of speaking about intimacy, and on the other hand, there are formal, indirect ways of speaking about intimacy. But there is a middle ground of speaking explicitly (as opposed to merely hinting) without being vulgar. You can speak playfully and casually/informally with your husband without being crude. There is also a difference in your manner of speech when speaking in front of other people and the way you would speak privately in the bedroom.

We hope this helps answer your question. Please feel free to get back to us with any further questions.

This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional.

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