Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Tension during niddah

12 June, 2003

Question:

Thank you for having such an informative website and offering such important help. I am newlywed baalat-tshuva, age 33. My husband and I are having terrible fights while I am niddah. I had hoped that this time would strengthen and deepen our love. Now I am disappointed. Do you have any help or suggestion?


Answer:

Stress between husband and wife while the wife is niddah is not unusual. While in theory it should be a time when the couple can concentrate on the non-physical side of their marriage, in reality the lack of physical contact can be hard. This is especially true for newlyweds. The two of you should sit down together at a time when you are not niddah, when you are both well-rested and calm, and try to discuss what seems to be leading you to fights during these times. If you don't succeed on your own in analyzing the situation and devising ways to avoid these fights, it would be a good idea to discuss the situation with an advisor such as your rabbi, kallah teacher, marital therapist or other professional.


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