Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Difficulties: not touching, asking a rabbi

14 November, 2004
Question:

Firstly, this is a wonderful site with so much good information! yasher koach! I was very relieved to discover that a few of the emails from the women sound just like me. I am newly married, and a convert, and find the not touching rule to be emotionally painful at a time when women are most vulnerable to depression, anger, and frustration. Is there any sort of support group for women like us? My husband is chassidish from birth and has been raised like this, so to him it seems so natural, but for me it can be like torture. Is there anything that can be done to relieve this stress and pain?

My other question is this: when speaking with my husband about my first hefsek tahara (my first one after marriage…I had to make three since my period would not stop for 8 days), he seems to think that a rabbi would know better than a woman which kinds of stains are really blood related or not. Doesn't it seem more logical that a woman, who has had periods for 10 plus years would know better than a rabbi who has only seen bedikah cloths??? This makes no sense to me!

Thanks for any help you can provide!


Answer:

Thank you for the positive feedback!

We are not aware of any support group, but you may want to seek out a friend with a similar background. We're glad that you've read the responses and suggestions that already appear on our site. Perhaps it would be helpful to show your husband some of the questions and answers from the women who reminded you of yourself, so that he could deepen his understanding of what you're going through.

The rules that govern which stains and bedikot put a woman in niddah are not the same as the assumptions most women make when evaluating whether they have their period. For example, some shades of brown that may appear towards the end of a menstrual period are permissible. The Torah itself distinguishes "between [niddah] blood and [non-niddah] blood" (Devarim, 17:8). Rabbis have the training to discern those distinctions. 

This internet service does not preclude, override or replace the psak of any rabbinical authority. It is the responsibility of the questioner to inform us of any previous consultation or ruling. As even slight variation in circumstances may have Halachic consequences, views expressed concerning one case may not be applied to other, seemingly similar cases. All health and health-related information contained within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is intended to be general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for consulting with your health care professional. The advice is intended to offer a basis for individuals to discuss their medical condition with their health care provider but not individual advice. Although every effort is made to ensure that the material within Nishmat's Women's Health & Halacha Web site is accurate and timely, it is provided for the convenience of the Web site user but should not be considered official. Advice for actual medical practice should be obtained from a licensed health care professional. For further questions or comments:  The Nishmat Women's Health and Halacha Site is a public service of Nishmat, The Jeanie Schottenstein Center for Advanced Torah Study for Women. This project and others like it are made possible by contributions from people like you. If you have benefited from the service, and wish to enable us to help others, click here to donate.
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