Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Difficulty with niddah separation

13 January, 2021
Question:

My husband is having a very difficult time with the separation that comes with niddah. Are there resources that you can recommend to help and support him? How can I handle him needing physical contact?

Thank you!


Answer:

We are sorry to hear of your husband’s difficulty during the time of separation. It can be especially challenging at the beginning of marriage, but tends to get better with practice.

There is a positive aspect to this difficulty, in the sense that it reflects the strength of your physical connection. At the same time, as you note, it is important to find support for him so that you can keep halacha and maintain a positive tone for your marriage.

First, we suggest that the two of you discuss the challenges, preferably at a time when you are not in niddah. See what ideas you can come up with together, dos and don’ts, to strengthen your connection in other ways and avoid too much temptation.

Make sure that your husband understands that you are not rejecting him in any way and that you’d like to find a way to honor halacha while meeting both of your needs within its framework.

Reviewing the laws of conduct during niddah, as by reading over our articles on the topic, may prove helpful.

We also suggest that your husband reach out to a trusted, older, male friend or two for advice about handling his feelings constructively.

If you are currently using combined hormonal contraception, you might also wish to discuss with your physician the possibility of extending cycles, so that you are in niddah less often.

Please write back with any follow up questions.

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