Ask a Yoetzet Golda Koschitzky Hotline

Divorced, tehorah, and dating

2 July, 2021

Question:

I am a divorcee and I was divorced after I hit menopause. I went to the mivkah after my last period and have not had a period or even spotting since, so I assume I am still tehorah. I have recently entered the dating scene and I was wondering whether I am allowed to touch my potential partner at all since I am considered tehorah and what limits apply. (Of course we still cannot be in Yichud.)
Thank you!

Answer:

We appreciate the sensitive nature of this question.

Technically, it is not prohibited for you to have physical contact with those whom you date. However, it is customary and strongly recommended to observe negi’ah until marriage.

There is no clear-cut halachic standard for what would or would not be permissible in this case. Since some halachic decisors distinguish in some circumstances between sexually affectionate touch and other touch; that might be a standard to consider. Whatever you work out, we recommend trying to decide in advance on your red lines, in order to prevent uncomfortable situations.

Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

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