Nishmat's Women’s Health and HalachaIn memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

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Mikveh with serious marital problems

15 December, 2024

Question:

Hello,

If a woman is having serious, long–term marital problems and will not be intimate with her husband, is there still meaning/zchus in toiveling? I have always heard that using the mikvah is also for the merit/neshama of her children….but want to make sure that it is not a mitzvah l’vatola…if the woman knows that she will not be intimate with her husband after becoming tahora.

Thank you


Answer:

Thank you for reaching out to us.

We are sorry to hear of serious marital problems.

Even when a couple is experiencing long-term problems and will not be sexually intimate, we encourage the woman to continue to immerse in the mikveh. The bracha is valid as long as it accompanies immersion, so there is no concern of a beracha levatalah.

Facilitating even casual or friendly touch can be important in improving the atmosphere between the couple, even if it does not lead to more intimate touch or resolve the couple’s problems.

We have also had multiple experiences of women who thought divorce was imminent and had not immersed suddenly having a moment when intimacy seemed important. It can be important not to totally cut off that possibility.

We hope this helps. If you haven’t yet, we also encourage you to seek counseling. Even when a couple winds up choosing to separate, counseling can help them do so in a more constructive and sensitive manner.

Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.


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