We appreciate the sensitive nature of this question and are sorry to hear of the obsessive thoughts and feelings you’ve developed around hilchot niddah. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common problem. Fortunately it can be treated.

We commend you for reaching out to your kallah teacher and for taking the step of writing to us. Although it sounds as though you are managing the situation well, it is important that it not deteriorate and that you get the help that you seek. We suspect that you might benefit most from a few sessions of professional counseling. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has a proven track record in helping with obsessive thinking and can teach you techniques that will help you change your train of thought. Referrals to religiously observant counsellors can be found via nefesh.org.

Moving forward, it’s important to remember that a good amount of stringency is built into the halachot here, so that a woman making a sincere effort to observe them generally will not violate halacha, certainly not wittingly. God did not create halacha for angels, but for human beings. There is always room for error, for growth and for forgiveness.

We wish you a ketivah v’chatimah tovah! Please don’t hesitate to write back to us with any halachic questions.

2024: For more on this topic, please see our article on OCD and Niddah Observance, and our brochure, “What are you feeling?!“