While some couples may navigate the emotional transitions after surgery smoothly, many others find them difficult. Some couples may have to take a break from intimacy due to treatments or surgeries and will need to give themselves time to ease back into it. It may also be difficult for the couple to make the transition from the roles of caregiver and patient back to the role of lovers. They both need to process their feelings about the physical changes from surgery.
Following surgery, many women experience a sense of grief and isolation that can affect interest in sexual relations, and some women may even experience depression. Some women develop an aversion to sex, a fear of it, or simply lowered libido. Others see a drop in sexual self-esteem and may find that the separation of niddah triggers feelings of rejection. Emotions and energy levels may fluctuate as a woman finds her way to a new normal.
All of these changes can have a negative influence on sexual desire or interest and lead to discrepancies in desire for the couple. Often, just being aware of potential challenges can be a first step toward addressing them.
Some changes can be treated, whether with therapy, support groups, hormones, medications to enhance desire, or antidepressants.
Empathetic and responsive communication that makes room for each spouse’s perspective is essential to working through changes. A couple may discuss readjusting the frequency of sexual relations and what kind of lead-up they devote to them. They can express their love, discuss expectations, and even set times and conditions for physical contact to enhance their feeling of connectedness. For example, a couple might decide that intercourse will not happen at a certain time while agreeing on other kinds of pleasurable touch to engage in. Sometimes, communication works best with third-party support from a professional, such as an individual, couple, or sex therapist.
Couples also benefit from spending quality time together on date nights, weekend getaways, or shared projects or interests. They can expect ups and downs, but with love, commitment, patience, humor, prayer, and a shared sense of the journey, the challenges of post-op intimacy are surmountable. They can even enable the couple to grow closer together.
