It is often possible to pass items indirectly without calling attention to yourselves, even when seated next to each other. In the example you give, you might be able to set the food down casually between you. Generally, others are not paying attention to exactly how you are passing food to one another.

However, the concept of kavod ha briyot, human dignity, sometimes allows for halachic leniency in order to spare public embarrassment. Also, in a group setting, which is by nature less intimate, there is more room for leniency with the harchaka of passing. If you feel strongly that others perhaps noticing your status would be very embarrassing, then you may be lenient with passing when there is no discreet method of passing indirectly. You must be sure to avoid touching and try to use some sort of shinui (change) from the normal. This can be a private signal worked out between the two of you.

Couples and even husband and wife may feel differently regarding whether others noticing their status is embarrassing. It is important to take into account each person's feelings. At the same time, feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment can and do shift over time and in different contexts. Halachically, it is permissible to act in a way in which others may notice the couple's status.

This response was updated on 10 December, 2025.