We appreciate both your question and your choice to address it to us.

Healthy disagreements are part of a healthy marriage. When a couple argues, each member can make bids to keep the tone constructive and to prevent the argument from escalating. It is when we are too caught up in our own hurt and anger to remember our affection for our sparring partner and soften our tone that we are most liable to hurt and be hurt, and least likely to hear each other out.

Viewed in the above terms, your observation is that your husband's affectionate touch works reliably to relax you both and defuse tensions during arguments. You miss that when you are in niddah. Rather than a harbinger of abnormality or a bad sign, this is a good sign about the positive nature of your physical connection to your husband.

Instead of viewing halachic restrictions on touch as too detrimental in this regard, you can view them as a challenge: to identify non-physical ways by which you can signal to each other mid-conflict a desire to cool down. Facing this challenge can only be to your benefit, as it will provide more options for resolving arguments at every time of month. For example, a well-timed compliment, time-out, deep breath, secret signal, or joke can work wonders, especially if you are both in on it and the goodwill behind it. We suggest that you talk this over with your husband at a time when tensions are low and see what you come up with together.