Difficulty with IUD, pills, and diaphragm

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August 6, 2026

Question

I am trying to figure out birth control options. Years ago I had a heter for condoms because I was temporarily not allowed to use any pill due to a medical procedure. I am not able to reach that rabbi again easily, if at all.

I had an IUD for 8 years. I just had it removed and was not able to get a second one placed. The doctor had difficulty inserting it, and it was causing me too much pain while he attempted. He put me on a hormonal birth control pill.

I do not tolerate the pill very well. I get very bad depression (which is why we tried the IUD in the first place) and very low libido. It is not a great option for those reasons.

I am in my early 40s and we have 3 children (2 boys, 1 girl, all c-sections). I do not plan on having more children.

I am not able to use female condoms as I can not remove them myself. I have tried a diaphragm and had the same issue. I cannot use tampons as my vaginal walls are very sensitive and it causes pain. I cannot even do the moch dachuk as this has caused me pain. The rabbi said to skip it. There were times that I was only able to do a few bedikahs due to this sensitivity.

Is there a heter at this point in my life to use condoms as a primary form of birth control?

Answer

Thank you for reaching out to us.

We are sorry to hear of your difficulty finding a contraceptive that works for you and of the vaginal sensitivity and pain that you have been experiencing.

Regarding contraception, we consulted two physicians about your case, and they had two suggestions. First, you might be able to have the IUD placed under anesthesia. If the IUD has worked for you in the past, this might be best option.

Alternatively, different hormonal contraceptives have different formulations and methods of delivery, which can make a vast difference in side effects. So you could return to your physician to discuss the issues you are having with the current pill and possible alternatives, either a different pill or the contraceptive patch (which is sometimes better tolerated).

Regarding the pain that you have been experiencing, if you haven't yet, we strongly encourage you to see a vulvar specialist or a urogynecological physiotherapist. This type of acute sensitivity can often be treated. In the meanwhile, you may find it helpful to see our tips for maximizing comfort when performing bedikot, here, and our page on sexual pain, here.

Please don't hesitate to follow up with us.

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