Married four years, still dreading niddah

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May 7, 2007

Question

We have b"h been married for 4 years now, we b"h have children. They say that over time you get used to certain things and they get easier. However, I still find that I still dread being in niddah now, just as much as when we were first married. It's just so difficult for me when I can't have my husband's physical touch. When I speak to most of my married friends they tell me, it was hard being in niddah when they were first married, but a few years and kids down the line, they look forward to being in niddah and enjoy their "time alone" and "space." I don't. Is there something wrong with me or my marriage? Is this normal?

Answer

We’re sorry that niddah continues to be so difficult for you, and commend you for reaching out.

There are some women and men for whom different aspects of observance of Taharat HaMishpacha can be more difficult, including the time in niddah. While some appreciate the space and time apart, others really miss the physical closeness. You are not alone in feeling this way, and longing for your husband’s touch does not mean there is anything wrong with you or your marriage. In fact, it’s a healthy and positive sign of connection, since touch uniquely conveys love and support.

We encourage you to explore ways to navigate this time together. Our article “Connection and Boundaries During Niddah” offers ideas for maintaining closeness and care without physical touch. We recommend setting aside time to talk with your husband and brainstorm practical strategies that will work for both of you.

We’re here for you. Please feel free to reach out again.

Updated on 11 June, 2026

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