Mazal tov on your recent wedding!

Yes, your undersanding of when to observe onot is correct and is in accordance with the position of our current rabbinic supervisor, Rabbi Kenneth Auman. For more details on how to calculate, please see Vesatot and Hormonal Treatments.

Regarding standard practice during the onat perishah, sexual relations are prohibited and a couple should also refrain from overtly sexual touch.  Casual touch is fully permissible. There are different opinions and customs regarding affectionate touch of a non-sexual nature, such as some types of hugging and kissing. While stringency here is praiseworthy, the needs of the specific couple play a large role in determining conduct in this area. Whether a cuddle is permissible for a couple likewise depends on the couple’s assessment and needs, whether it is more relaxation-oriented or more sexually affectionate. But stringency would be valued.

Sleeping in the same bed may be technically permissible on an onat veset, but many halachic authorities strongly discourage it.

An additional requirement during an onah is performing at least one bedikah. There are varying opinions about the number of bedikot one performs during an onah. Some say only one bedikah at any point during the onah is required (and this viewpoint may be readily relied on), although there are opinions that require two (one at the beginning of the onah, and another at the end) or even three (beginning, middle and end). Some authorities maintain that a bedikah right after the onah is also sufficient.

When a woman neglects to perform a bedikah on her onah beinonit or veset kavua, she may not resume relations until she has performed a bedikah. In other cases of forgetting, no bedikah is required subsequent to the onat perishah. A couple should use common sense in deciding whether to have relations at that point.

Please write back with any further questions.

This response was updated on 3 February 2022.