Mazal tov on your recent wedding! We appreciate the sensitive nature of this question and the challenges involved in observing taharat hamishpacha for each of you.
Condom use is almost never permitted, because it is considered a violation of the prohibition of spilling seed,
hotza'at zera levatalah. It is important to note, however, that
diaphragms are highly effective (95%, vs. 80-85% for condoms) when used correctly in conjunction with spermicide.
One possibility would be to ask your doctor to recommend a nurse who could meet with you to discuss the diaphragm, to see if you can become comfortable with it. You insert the diaphragm yourself before relations. It remains in the vaginal canal for a number of hours and is thus similar to a tampon. It is quite different from the
IUD, which is inserted by a doctor and remains inside the uterus for years.
A second possibility would be to give the pills another month or two. Adjustment to
progesterone only pills can take a few months, after which there may be very little bleeding at all. Being careful to take the pill at the same time each day can often ameliorate irregular bleeding. So too can taking an extra half pill twelve hours after the regular one, doctor permitting.
We would not recommend the IUD at this stage, since it can also cause bleeding, especially during the adjustment period. It is important to note, however, that the IUD is much more effective than the condom (approximately 99% vs. 80-85%).
It is also important to review the laws of stains (as by reading our articles "
Stains" and "
Toilet Paper") to ensure that you are not being overly stringent. Consulting with a yoetzet or rav prior to assuming you are in
niddah or have invalidated your
clean days would also be advisable at this stage. If you are currently trying to get to mikveh, for this cycle omit the
moch dachuk and reduce the
bedikot to one on the first day, one on the last day, and one on an intermediate day.
We hope this helps. Please feel free to write back with any further questions.
