We are sorry to hear of your upcoming surgery.
The
harchakot do apply even if one spouse is ill and in need of assistance, but there is room for leniency. (In a case of
pikuach nefesh – danger to life – any assistance that is required should of course be given without hesitation.)
If there is nobody else readily available to assist you, your husband may help you in any way necessary that does not involve direct physical contact (e.g., push you in a wheelchair, serve you food,
pass items to you, etc.). If you need assistance involving direct contact, it would be preferable to have another woman assist you. If that is extremely difficult, your husband may assist you when required, but should minimize direct contact as much as possible. For example, if you need help sitting up in bed, perhaps he can push up your pillow from behind you rather than supporting you directly. If there is no alternative, and you might fall or get hurt, he can assist you directly but should avoid skin to skin contact (wear gloves, or only touch each other’s clothing). Your husband should not assist you in bathing or getting you dressed/undressed, although he can help with items such as a coat or shoes where there is no problem of
modesty.
Observing the
harchakot in this situation can be challenging, but it should not be overwhelming or cause suffering. Please don’t hesitate to approach us (for an immediate answer, call our
telephone hotline) or your local rav with specific questions as they arise; a solution can usually be worked out.
Once you get your period, you will be in
niddah until you are able to immerse. However, it is usually possible to immerse after surgery as soon as sutures are removed, so one does not generally have to remain in
niddah for months. Please discuss with your physician when he or she would permit a brief
immersion in a clean, chlorinated mikveh, and get back to us for more details as to how to proceed. The topic of
mikveh after surgery is addressed in the section of our website designed for medical professionals,
Jewish Women’s Health.
Refuah Shleimah!
