We are sorry that observing harchakot has become more difficult for you after miscarriage.
Many women seeking a hug or a hand held after miscarriage find it from close friends or family until their time in niddah has ended. This type of support can be harder to find during a pandemic.
Even when there is other support, harchakot can still be difficult, especially when a woman specifically seeks the comfort of her husband’s touch, and he hers.
At the same time, emotional support can make a difference, and you might be able to discuss with your husband ways to increase it during niddah. Also, the separation clearly establishes and defines the woman’s independent physical space, which can also be important for healing. The cycling that you describe between feeling more and less preoccupied with loss can be a healthy part of grieving, with some times more focused on grief, and others less so.
The hope would be that each time you return to your grief, you find that you have developed more strength to face it, and additional ways to assimilate it into your life narrative. If you find that your grief during niddah is becoming more pronounced, then you might find it helpful to speak with a counseling professional.
We hope this helps. Please let us know if you have further thoughts or questions.