Thank you for reaching out to us.
While relations are highly encouraged on Shabbat, they are not a strict obligation. This leaves room for a couple to have flexibility with
timing, depending on how they feel.
We agree with you that the best approach here would be to find a way to clean yourself that satisfies your needs and is not in violation of Shabbat.
We suggest experimenting with some combination of the following to see what works for you:
- Intimate cleaning wipes
- A cold water bidet
- Washing just the relevant area using a handheld showerhead with cold water (or warm water from the "dud shemesh" solar heater, if you follow the view that it is permissible)
- A small, soft folded washcloth or handkerchief (placed to catch initial leakage)
- A pantyliner
- "Period" absorbent underwear.
We hope this helps. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.