In memory of Chaya Mirel bat R’ Avraham

In memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

Conduct while expecting a period
April 12, 2005

Question

Although I am married almost 20 years, I still struggle with what to do the day or two before I expect my period. I know I'm not actually niddah, but can I continue my relationship with my husband as usual? Is it truly enough just to wear dark underwear and not look at the toilet paper?

Answer

On an onat perishah, relations are forbidden, and a bedikah is required to maintain your chezkat taharah (halachic presumption that you aren't niddah), or to find out if you have begun menstruating. Everything else (touching, hugging, kissing, passing objects, etc.) is okay, but it is a good idea to refrain from activity which could lead to relations.
After the onat perishah, if the bedikah was fine, a couple may resume all physical contact, including intercourse. If you suspect you are supposed to get your period that day, common sense would say you should refrain from relations, but there is no halachic obligation to do so. It is also fine, and in some circumstances prudent, to check yourself before having relations to make sure you haven't started bleeding. You can do this by wiping externally with toilet paper, not immediately after urinating, so that if you do find a stain it can be treated leniently and will not make you niddah.

Yoatzot Halacha: Answering Women’s Halachic Questions

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