Your question reflects the difficulties that many couples face in the beginning of marriage. It is a good sign for your relationship that you find these halachot challenging. Many couples have similar difficulties, especially as newlyweds.

Your letter comes at an opportune time, since the beginning of married life is the best time to establish patterns we wish to keep. The two of you should work together, when you are not in niddah, to devise a plan for making each other feel loved without crossing halachic lines. Think through the steps you would take as concretely as possible. Support each other in sticking to the plan and discuss the challenges together. Reviewing the halachot related to harchakot may also be helpful.

These halachot are difficult. Don't get too discouraged by failures — that's what teshuvah is for. Working together to keep the halachot can itself remind you how much you care for each other and develop your relationship's other strengths.