You are not the first or only woman to have trouble keeping the restrictions on physical contact during niddah. We do appreciate the importance of your concerns. You are correct that we are a religious website and will encourage you to keep these halachot despite the difficulties.
The concept is that touch between husband and wife is restricted to when it can be not just reassuring and supportive, but freely sexual.& Since your husband’s not giving you a kiss or hug is not freely chosen, but dictated by halachah, we are sure you know intellectually that he does not wish to reject you or leave you feeling alone. But sometimes, how a couple goes about not touching can have as great an emotional impact as not touching itself. Perhaps you and your husband can explore new, non-physical ways to communicate closeness and love. Think of alternate behaviors on your husband’s part that would bring you closer.
Your unscientific poll may have been eye-opening. What it reflects is that, unfortunately, it is easier to maintain high standards of observance in areas that are socially reinforced, such as Shabbat and kashrut, than in areas that are between the couple and HaShem. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself if your own halachic decision-making process is defined by the halachah or by what others do.
Beezrat HaShem, your husband should make it to 120, but you may be surprised that your regret could be different than what you anticipate: holding your husband’s deep halachic and religious commitments against him, instead of doing everything in your power to work together in a way that honors them. He might ultimately feel that the amount of love and support you show him in working with him to keep the halachah is worth many kisses.& Regardless, to mislead your husband on matters pertaining to niddah is strictly prohibited by halachah, which gives over a great deal of trust and responsibility in this area to women.
We’re sorry that you had to have two ablations– and that they didn’t result in amenorrhea. We agree with you that an elective hysterectomy may be too drastic a step. However, it may be possible to manage your cycle in advance of your vacation with a course of hormones. You should consult your doctor well in advance to explore the options and plan treatments. If he is not familiar with the details ofhilchot niddah, consider referring him to our resources for medical professionals in the section of our website designed for medical professionals, Jewish Women’s Health.
Please don’t hesitate to get back to us.