In memory of Chaya Mirel bat R’ Avraham

In memory of Chaya Mirel bat R' Avraham

Relations obligatory on Friday night?
November 26, 2014

Question

Is there a halachik obligation to have relations on a Friday night? Is there any source for this?

Answer

Thank you for reaching out to us.

There is a Torah-level mitzva of onah, a husband's obligation to have relations with his wife at regular intervals (though she can waive that right on any given night). The Mishna discusses different intervals, depending on the husband's occupation (Ketubot 61b), and hints at Shabbat as an appropriate occasion for relations (Ketubot 65b).

Shulchan Aruch states in Orach Chayyim 280:1, that "relations are among the pleasures of Shabbat; therefore, the onah for healthy Torah scholars is from one Shabbat night to the next." Similarly, it states in Even HaEzer 76:2 that "the way of Torah scholars" is to have relations on Shabbat night. (Note that many authorities feel that the onah for Torah scholars today is at least twice a week.)

Timing relations for Shabbat is thus encouraged. But it is not obligatory if it does not work well for a particular couple. It is fully permissible to forgo relations on any given Shabbat, or to choose in general to have relations during the week rather than on Shabbat.

While mutual commitment to marital relations is a cornerstone of marriage, neither spouse is obligated to have relations at a specific time.

Please see our page here for an extended discussion of mitzvat onah.

This response was updated on 28 October, 2025.
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